It’s my time now!

Like so many moms, I have lost myself in the business of motherhood. I use to love to read, write, go out with girlfriends and watch good movies. Now, I enjoy picking up legos, changing diapers, cooking lunches, and constantly breaking up fights. Motherhood is so hard, but there is nothing I would rather do with my time than take care of these little blessings. However, I have come to realize that if I do not take care of myself, I am no good to anyone. I hit a point where I was always tired and run down, which resulted in a fuse that was much shorter than it should be. I knew something needed to change, but I was not sure what I could do about that when I had a responsibility to be at home with these kiddos. I decided that anything would be better than nothing at this point, and I could tweak it as needed as life changed.

So last Monday, I started this lifestyle change. I began 21 day fix to help me get started on eating healthy and exercising every day. I also committed to myself to kick my Mountain Dew habit. Now if you know me, you know that was a huge step because that was about all that I ever drank. The day before I quit, I was drinking about 6 Mountain Dews a diet, and fooled myself into thinking that it was ok because they were diet. I could not have been more wrong. I am now 9 days into this lifestyle change and I have not had a drop of caffeine or cheated on my plan once. I have eaten clean (multiple times a day) and I have exercised at the beginning of nap time each day. And you know what? I feel better than I ever have! I do not need a nap when the kids nap (unless I was up all night the night before), and I am more productive in house work, meal prep, and school work. My children have even began working out with me so that they can be healthy too.

I am going to keep blogging about this journey, and if I am the only one who reads it, so be it. But if my journey can help you in any way, I would love for you to join me. This journey is not one that will change my life overnight, but if I keep at it, eventually I will be where I want to be. But know what is most important in this journey? I am finally taking the time to become the mom, wife, friend, and Christ follower that I was meant to be. I was made for so much more than the mundane, but that is what I have been living in for the past several years. No more. Here’s to the new me!

“Lord, help me become a vessel that you will use. Help me keep my eyes on you as I begin this journey to find who you made me to be.”

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The Honest Truth

Ok ladies, allow me to be vulnerable here. This summer has been tough! Can you sympathize? With the warm weather, a funk has come. Not one that I can pinpoint the cause and fix, but a funk that makes it hard to get motivated. This funk has lasted longer than it usually does, and has started to affect more than just me.

I am lonely, but feel unable to connect. I am frumpy, but unsure how to fix it. I am frazzled, but cannot seem to compose myself. Why does this happen over the summer? Or does it have nothing to do with the season of the year, and has to do with the season of life that I am in? I am in a tough season. I have 3 little kids (under the age of 5), so I am busy. Even when I have nothing going on, I have 30 things that need to get done. I am a stay at home mom, but I am a full-time student, a wife, a home business owner, and I have various commitments throughout different areas of my life.

So what am I suppose to learn during this season of life? I think God is trying to tell me to lean into Him. When the things of this world disappoint, He will not leave us. Psalm 46:10 says “Be still and know that I am God.” In the midst of the chaos, we are called to be still. Too often I forget this. So My challenge for the month of September, I am going to be more deliberate about my quiet time. I will set aside time to be still and spend more time deepening my relationship with the Lord. It is not about me and my funk, it is about Him. It is always about Him, and maybe that is the lesson that I am suppose to learn!

Random thoughts on motherhood

Motherhood is the loneliest thing I have ever done. I became a mom and lost my friends who were not yet moms, but the seasoned moms already seem to have their circle of friends developed. So where do I fit in? Let me tell you, 3 kids later, I am still not sure if I have an answer to that question.

Among us mommies, there are wars from the beginning. Who had the most natural birth? Who breast fed the longest? Who makes their own baby food? Cloth diapers, baby wearing, vaccinations. The list goes on. Is this part of the reason that it is so hard to make friends as a mom? Do these things really matter that much? Should they? Motherhood is hard enough without comparing ourselves to other mommies. We are all doing the best that we can for our kids, and that is good enough! If these mommy wars were to stop, I would be willing to bet that many people would become friends quicker because we would not be focusing on the differences, but we could focus on the similarities.

One of the other hard pieces of motherhood is maintaining friendships that are already in place. As moms, we get so busy doing everything that we are suppose to do: clean the house, keep up on laundry, take the kids to school, drive them to their play dates, grocery shop. All of these duties seem to take over our lives, and this is when I start to feel like I am “just mommy.” I know motherhood is not a “just,” but I feel like I should be doing so much more. I use to be productive, but now, I am still productive, it just looks very different. I use to have friends that I could go get coffee with, but now, I have friends that I may get a text from every once in a while. That random text asking how I am does not make me feel cared for or important. Why? Because I have gone a month without being reached out to, so instead of a text, I need a hug. As moms, sometimes a text is the best we have. If that is the case, make it a meaningful text. Instead of just the “how are you,” maybe say “I’ve been thinking about you. How can I be praying for you? What do you need?”

Have you felt this same way? If you have, I would bet that you are not the minority. If you feel that way, someone else does too. Be the friend who changes things. Change the way your texts are. Reach out to a friend that you know is lonely. Do something nice for her, or something that you know will help her out. Start the change yourself.

god's plan

My Fellow Christians

This week has been one that will test our faiths and cause us to figure out what we believe. Regardless of whether we agree with the ruling of SCOTUS or not, this is a time to stand with other fellow Christians and show God to those who do not know Him. There is so much hatred being thrown around by parties on both sides of this topic that I feel we are all doing a disservice to those who are searching. We need to show love, even in the midst of a disagreement, so that we can draw others to Christ. Instead of debating the topic at hand (since it has been debated non-stop for the past few days), I am going to share some scripture with you that will show truth.

“For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes.”
Romans 1:16

“You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt has become tasteless, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled under foot by men.”
Matthew 5:13

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
James 1:5

“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.”
James 1:12

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.”
James 1:19-22

God, where are you?

Have you ever asked this question? Has there ever been a season where God does not seem to be nearby? I am at this stage right now, and I often wonder why He does this. Wouldn’t it be so much easier to develop an amazing relationship with our Savior if he always felt close? In these seasons (and yes that was plural), it is hard to not lose faith. We so quickly forget that God has not left us, even when we do not feel him. But I am starting to realize that is not how relationships work.

Are there times in your marriage where it is just a lot of work? Marriage is not always butterflies and romance (but wouldn’t that be wonderful?). Sometimes, the most important part of marriage is remembering that a commitment was made to fight for your relationship. The same is true about our relationship with God. When we do not feel Him, and he does not seem to be near, we need to remember that we are committed. Sometimes, relationships take work. That is just the way it is. But relationships are worth fighting for.

So in this season where I do not feel God is near (or He is being silent), I will continue to push into my relationship with him. He will not be silent forever, and I know when we come out of this, we will have a stronger relationship than before. So for now, I will pursue a deeper relationship with God and know that in the end, our relationship will be stronger because of it. I will dig into the word, and pray fervently for God to reveal himself. But I know that even though He feels absent, that does not mean that He is not working. We will come through this stronger than before, and I cannot wait for that day. But until then, I am patiently waiting on the Lord and seeking after Him.

What do you do when God does not feel near? It would be so easy to throw our hands up in the air and not pursue after Him, but I urge you, seek His heart. Take heart, my dear friends. God wants you to fight! Do not give up!

“You will seek me and find me when you search for me with all your heart.”
Jeremiah 29:13

Just an update

Hey friends. Hopefully you have noticed that I have not been posting. As I pray about things, the study of Proverbs just is not sitting right. I am unsure if it is Satan trying to attack or if it is the Lord saying “Do something else.” So for now, I am waiting. I am still reading through proverbs, so if you would like to study with me, just let me know. But for now, the posts on Proverbs are on hold.

Proverbs 5

Ok, let’s do this. A small delay  in time will not stop me. I am going to continue to build discipline in my life regardless of whether I want to or not. And let’s be honest, it would be much easier to just sit around than to be disciplined would be, but is that what we are called to do? I think not, so let’s go.

This chapter is for all of us, ladies.The title of the chapter is warnings against adultery. Why would we need a warning if there was not temptation there? Does this temptation end when you get married? Absolutely not! How many married women do you know who have an affair (and yes, emotional affairs are still affairs)? So let’s read this warning and learn from it.

Verse 3: “For the lips of an adulterous woman drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil.” Why don’t her words drip lemon juice? Or hot sauce? It is not nearly as tempting as the sweetness of honey! She is hoping to draw you in to this temptation.

Verse 8: “Keep to a path far from her, do not go near the door of her house.” I mentioned in an earlier chapter, we are suppose to flee from sin. It is so easy to see how close we can get to crossing a line with the intent of stopping ourselves before it is crossed. However, we are advised to not even go near the door to the house. It is much easier to resist temptation from a distance than it is in the midst of it. Avoid it all together if you can.

Verse 12: “You will say, “How I hated discipline! How my heart spurned correction!” No one likes being corrected, but in God’s great love for us, he disciplines there behaviors that are sinful. But that does not mean we will like it, and it does not mean that we need to like it.

Verse 18: “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.” I love this verse! How often do you rejoice in your spouse? Isn’t it so easy to get caught up in what annoys us about them that we forget to rejoice? Or is that just me? Tim absolutely deserves more rejoicing.

Verse 21: “For your ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all your paths.” What a convicting verse! There are 2 words that stick out to me in this verse more than the others. Can you guess what they are? Full and All. Our ways are in full view. It is not partial view and nothing is protecting us from being discovered. And then he examines all our paths. Not just some of them. 

When God looks at your paths, what do you hope he finds? How can we ensure that this is what He sees? What do you need to flee from that is enticing you currently? I pray that we can all flee from the sins that are trying to entangle us today.