So funny… The last post was about emotions and expectations. Know what I have spent the last month doing? Letting my emotions control me! So I will be very honest in this post and then ask you for a favor. Are you ready?
As you all know, I have been on a journey to increase my health and lose some weight. I have been eating better and exercising more. I was doing so well, and then life got in the way. My son received a diagnosis that changes things a little for our family. It is not life threatening at all, but the way that we have been operating will need to change a little bit. In order to understand why this has shaken me so significantly, let me fill in the back story. When I was pregnant with Parker, I went in for my 20 week ultrasound and was told that I would hear back from the doctor if there were any concerns. We were told he was a boy, but that was about all that we knew. Not even 24 hours later, I received a call from my doctor saying there were some concerning finds and I needed to call the high risk obstetrics office to schedule a fancier ultrasound. But I was warned that it may take a little while to get in (since we are Kaiser and everything takes a while). So I called the number that was given to me and the receptionist said they had been waiting to hear from me. Definitely not a good sign. We were squeezed in for the ultrasound a few days later, and when the technician went to get the radiologist, he came back in the genetic counselor. Also not a good sign.
At 22 weeks pregnant, my perfect son was diagnosed with Dandy Walker. They talked us through what it could look like and what this meant for him and my pregnancy. The statistics were something no parent wants to hear, but we knew that God was in control. When my water broke, I began shaking and I could not stop giggling. I was so nervous that I did not know what to do with myself. Labor was amazingly easy and fast (45 minutes) and Parker was born crying. I have never been so relieved to hear a baby cry in my life. All of the resuscitation teams that were in the room began to clear out, and we started to get settled. About 2 hours after he was born, they came to take him to do a MRI of his brain. A few hours after that, my OB, who happened to be the one on call that day, came into our recovery room and sat at the foot of my bed. She told me that she was considering it a medical miracle, because there was no indication of any abnormalities at all! He had his normal, routine well child check ups, but there was no reason to assume he was not a healthy, happy kid.
Fast forward 4 years… Parker is a happy, healthy, energetic boy with tremors. They did not seem to influence anything, until he went to school and he had difficulty writing. I made an appointment with his pediatrician and the recommended, because of his history, that we follow up with neurology. I called neurology in August and they told us that they were not making appointments until winter for kids to be seen in the spring. I was unwilling to wait that long, unless it was absolutely necessary. Our pediatrician recommended OT in the mean time and advised that I call back and ask to be put on the wait list for any cancellations. Well, I got a call on a Thursday afternoon saying there was an opening on that Friday. I did not care that I would have all 3 kids with me for a 2 hour appointment and that it was right in the middle of nap time. I took it. This is when we received the diagnosis and we discussed what this meant for our situation. Parker does not seem to have cognitive delays, and they do not expect that to occur if it hasn’t begun. But he will always have motor deficits and the area of his brain that is affected could influence emotions as well. So we are trying to figure out what this means from here on out. There is so much to it, I have only hit the tip of the iceberg! Why did this shake me like it did? Whenever this is a lifelong diagnosis, it requires time to let the information sink in. My son will be fine, but as the doctor said he will never play professional sports and may always be clumsy.
So what now? During this time of processing, I have allowed myself to eat whatever I wanted, not exercise like I was, and honestly, I never felt guilty about it. Until now. Just because there has been this change in life, that does not mean I can let myself go. In fact, I need to be the best version of myself for my children. That means I am back to eating healthy and exercising regularly, so that I can be the type of mom that my kiddos need.
So the favor I want to ask of you… Will you help keep me accountable? Do you live by me and want to go for walks? Have you not heard from me in a few days and need to just check in? Do you have a healthy recipe you found that I might like? I need your help to keep me on track and do life with me. When I get overwhelmed, I try to go into hiding. Don’t let me do it! Want to join me on this journey again? Tomorrow is day 1 (again)!